Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
