bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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