I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Can I color on your dick again?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
