ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
