are you still at the devil's house?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
