im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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