If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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