Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
