There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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