you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
