both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We left an ass print on the piano.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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