I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
