When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
