that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
