I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
