It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
