the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
