Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
