I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
ttyl tear gas
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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