I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
