You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
