girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
