you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
