let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
