You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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