I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
