we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
