i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
