their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
