Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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