so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
