he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
