everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
