I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
