ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
