I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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