I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
