the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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