In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
