the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
