That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
