Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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