Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
