So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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