We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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