I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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