The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
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