I think i sorta joined a cult last night
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My ATM looks so different sober.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
