Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
