i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
