Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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