i think my tv is drunk
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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