last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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