My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
