Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
